Abuse Survivors Need to Tell Their Stories

Our abusers don’t deserve our silence and others need our voices.

I saw a meme the other day, and it said something about how abuse survivors should never stop telling their stories because their abusers don’t deserve their silence, and it made me pause.

Fascinating. I’d never thought of it like that before.

Sigh.

To address those often well-intended but completely vapid suggestions/questions, survivors tell their stories. We speak to heal our own wounds, and we speak to bring validation to others so that maybe they can “just leave” a lot faster than we were able to.

No matter how much storytelling we do, we never “get over it.” It’s a part of us now, and we’re learning to live with it. We tell our stories to learn how to do that, too.

The experience of living in an abusive situation with an abusive person who’s supposed to love you is unique, and it can’t be explained easily to someone who’s never endured it. My suffering and someone else’s suffering, even if similar, can’t be compared, so there are no universal anecdotes to offer. Not everyone wrapped up in abusive situations will see themselves in one universal anyway. And despite how helpful it’d be to have everyone engaged in the conversation, we’d never wish firsthand experience on anyone.

Because abuse can look so different and because you have to live it to comprehend it, survivors are often misunderstood in many ways. We’re accused of seeking attention, loving drama, or playing the victim. To that point, while there are certainly survivors who present as victims (and let’s face it, we are/were), I can guarantee you we wish we weren’t.

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