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How to get your life on track

Strategies to find meaning, purpose and direction in your life today.

Sometimes we can feel as though we are treading water or even peddling backwards in life. The reason for this could be that we are focusing our priorities in the wrong places.

We may perceive or believe we should plough our energies into one area of our lives, but what if we were wrong?

The idea of questioning our perceptions is one of the many tenets of the philosophy of Stoicism.

This Greek philosophy that prioritises reason and logic over emotion would challenge our assumptive behaviour and biases.

In Discourses, Epictetus wrote,

Here Epictetus tells us that we should not be certain of anything.

We should be humble and ask ourselves if we have considered all angles of a situation.

Assuming we know all the answers is egotistical and lacking in sound judgment.

Once we step away from our ego we can start to see things differently.

Marcus Aurelius was also a proponent of self-distancing and viewing a situation from multiple angles. In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius advises viewing a situation by ‘turn(ing) it inside out’.

If you consider that conflict, at its heart, is a battle between two perceived ‘rights’ then backing your own side will always garner the same frustrations.

Speaking to someone neutral may be an option, however, take care with this approach as unless they have heard the other person’s views, they will only have your interpretation and repackaging of events.

By giving yourself mental and physical spatial distance from conflict and viewing all angles you will be able to hone your skills of empathy and compassion.

You will become less adversarial and will no longer be trapped in your self-centred world.

Adopting a Stoic approach to situations which could give rise to negative emotions should result in a reduced emotional response; a response that is objective, reasoned and distanced from the moment.

Detach yourself from the drama and visualise yourself in a future without it in your mind because it is just not that important.

Ask yourself if you seek out drama. When people do this, it is because they crave attention and believe that their self-worth is derived from any kind of attention — positive or negative.

This is not to say we become dispassionate and distant from others when we detach ourselves from situations, just removed from the heady cocktail of our own emotions and more in tune with and empathetic to those of others.

Actively control your emotional response rather than react impulsively as you may regret your reaction for years to come.

Take a pause before you think and speak.

I could label myself as being ‘difficult’ or ‘overly sensitive’ but by doing so I become my description. If I can be these things then I have just as much capacity to be ‘forgiving’ and ‘kind’.

I feel very strongly about not attributing ‘negative’ personality traits to people as they become difficult to shake off and can become self-fulfilling prophecies where the individual can almost seek out situations that will confirm their self-imposed or learned personality traits.

If you think that you are short tempered, easily offended or terrible at relationships then you will be exactly that.

The labels that you slap on yourself are ways for you to make sense of the things that happen to you, but they also give you the green light to repeat self-defeating behaviours.

Ignore what has gone before and who others think you are. Human beings are ever evolving and changing.

It takes effort to change our everyday rituals and beliefs because it is easier and safer to just carry on doing what we are doing.

Sixth century Chinese philosopher Confucius promoted the philosophy of focusing on the specific way that we live our lives and how we show compassion not only to ourselves, but to others too.

Followers of Confucianism are encouraged to bring ‘Jen’ or a feeling of compassion into their society and relationships. ‘Jen’ is the essence of mankind and if one embodies this idea they can be said to be living a good life.

Confucius valued highly the virtues of wisdom, benevolence, trust, duty, compassion, and courage.

I like Confucius’ outlook because he places importance on everyday behaviours because he believed that the small things matter and adapting them is how you can start to make measurable changes to your life.

Sweat the small stuff:

These seemingly trivial things are simple to enact and, cumulatively can bring about the most significant and positive changes to your life.

Changing even the smallest habits of mind or action can bring about significant change.

Try getting up earlier.

Try to say only positive things for one day.

Take a walk on your lunch break instead of sitting in the staff room scrolling though Instagram.

The one fundamental to this approach is that you have to be present.

You must live in each moment.

You must think before you criticise, blame or judge yourself or others.

Pause.

Catch yourself before this happens, you must notice the things around you.

Look up. Smile. Relax your face and body.

Altering even tiny patterns of your behaviour will allow you to make bigger changes in your life and make you see the world a little differently.

You don’t need to emigrate in the pursuit of a better and more fulfilled life or book into a yoga retreat in the Maldives for a bit of serenity.

What you need to do is pursue a meaningful life through amendments, additions or omissions in relation to what you normally do.

Your yoga retreat will allow a pause in your ‘real’ life but consider how much better your day to day life would be if you incorporated yoga into even a little part of your everyday life.

This is entirely possible.

Try not to live for the weekend or count down the days until your next holiday.

Live your whole life.

Be present in your life now.

Stop treading water.

Consistency is key to achieving the life that you want.

If you want to keep fit, there is no short cut. You need to exercise regularly and eat well. If you want to gain a qualification, you need to read and study. If you want to learn a musical instrument, you must practise.

If you want to feel better in yourself, in your mind set, you need to consistently practise acceptance, gratitude, solitude, self-compassion and compassion for others, challenge your assumptions, make meaningful connections with others and think positively.

There is no quick fix or silver bullet to feeling better in yourself, as twice British Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli once said,

There is no mystery to this: in a moment of compassionate solitude, think about the things that are important to you, the things that you want to do; prioritise them and find a way to build your life around them.

This is how you can achieve the good life — a meaningful life filled with experiences, positivity, people (and pets), and hobbies.

The Japanese philosophy of Ikigai packages beautifully such an approach to life. Credited with facilitating a long life, this philosophy centres on the concept of life values.

In Japanese culture, Ikigai divides life into four different areas:

•What you love (Passion and Mission)

•What you are good at (Passion and Profession)

•What you can be paid for (Profession and Vocation)

•What the world needs (Mission and Vocation)

In order to live a well-rounded life, Ikigai encourages the individual to accept that more than one area of their life must be considered and given attention.

There is no sense in being at the top of the career ladder with more money than you know what to do with but no time to enjoy hobbies or passions resulting in you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

In a moment of solitude, write down your view of your life at this moment.

Which areas are lacking?

Is there an imbalance?

If so, this is where you need to direct your energies, focus and resources.

By acting purposefully to address areas of distortion, you will begin to move forward in your life.

If you are constantly doing the things that make you miserable, think about the reasons for this.

You may believe that lack of finances holds you back from pursuing a life that you want.

This is probably not the case.

The life that you want can be pursued without great wealth. You can have minimal funds, but the positive mind set of self-belief or a perspective that you can do something you want to do.

Without funds you find more creative ways of reaching your goal as you become more solutions-focused, because you must. Small focused steps each day for sixth months can bring you closer to your goal than years of talking about what you want to do but can’t quite start because of your negative mind set.

If you don’t get up, make your bed, get dressed, get moving and working you cannot hope to move forward.

You will probably move backwards.

What makes people content is a life packed full of meaning not things or wealth– the relationships that you have, the work that you do (in a job, hobby or as a carer for dependents), and what you work towards.

If your goal in life right now is to become Norfolk’s Hula Hooping Champion, then your focus on this will bring meaning and happiness to your life — even if you do not win and if other people do not share your enthusiasm.

That is okay.

If you are a carer for another but seek additional personal meaning elsewhere, then this is okay too.

Most of us will have responsibilities to others be them dependents in the form of family members, pets or even plants.

We should aim to give our best to these, but the meaning of life is your meaning of life. You should not feel any guilt for pursuing this.

We are not automatons — we all have different aims and goals. These goals may shift, change or disappear as we grow older. Some of us will achieve them and others not.

It doesn’t really matter.

If you just pursue something that means something to you, then all eventualities are okay.

You cannot simply believe that once you have achieved a goal that you will be complete and happy.

This gives your life meaning, even if only for a brief period until the next meaning to your life pops up.

We all have something to live for.

One thing that we should avoid is finding meaning in the attention of others or material things as these can be taken away or lost, leaving us feeling as if we had lost ourselves.

Meaning can only be found within ourselves.

We spend time looking for ‘the one’ and yet precious little time making ourselves the best that we can be at that time.

Focusing on ourselves can make us content and fulfilled and this makes us a more attractive person to be with.

Practise self-compassion by taking some solitary time today to help you figure out your genuine priorities in your life at this moment. Write them down and then they will become real, measurable and entirely possible.

Some final thoughts:

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